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Greetings, and welcome to Cinemanautotentatiology.
We at Cinemanautotentatiology are dedicated to giving you the
finest, unbiased reviews of only the best movies to come out unto
out cenematic landscape. How do we determine which movies are the
ones suitable for the finer tastes, worthy of being culled from
the wasteland that is your local Cineplex and/or Home Theatre Rentory?
Why the answer is astonishing in its simplicity; we merely discovered
the single variable, the one x-factor common to all films universally
recognised for excellence, and have made it prerequisite for an
opportunity to be reviewed on this site.
The obvious question arises: what is this attribute? Well, dear
reader, as the title suggests, all these films are united by their
being manautotentatic. This is the key that separates the greats,
the one thing that even the Oscars overlook, but cannot escape the
wily eye of this company.
Still confused? Don't be. The mission statement should be clear:
"We At Cinemanautotentatiology Will Only Review Movies
In Which A Character Is Beaten, Assaulted, Injured, Or Otherwise
Maimed, By His Or Her Own Hand"
So go forth, viewing public! Select the opus of your choice from
the bar at left, and be ready to rejoice, for verily, greatness
will follow!
| The ratings. |
| Thumb |
For films with the quality and greatness worthy to receive
the symbol of universal acceptance colloquially known as the
'thumbs up'
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| Index Finger |
Reserved for the best example of cinemanautotentation out
there. This may be moved around over time, as new movies are
released or discovered.
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| Middle Finger |
Now, it is well documented that a hand attack can make even
the worst movie good, but that doesn't excuse us from noting
that it's almost a terrible movie. Hence, this.
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| Ring Finger |
At a distance indistinguishable from the middle finger, these
are films missing something, perhaps snappy diolougue, perhaps
a tendon that let's it move on its own, perhaps a plot.
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| Pinky |
These are the films that no one really cares about. Certainly,
one wouldn't want to go out and destroy them all, but you
wouldn't dispair to lose it for a chance at a new car.
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Incedently, you may want to know that you are visitor number 642. We appreciate your patronage.
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